The Day Before…

It’s Monday and I am driving. I’m listening to music on the xm Sirius radio going at a moderate speed in the fast lane. I’m feeling cute and #notbusted I looked better than what I felt- I have the windows down even though it was raining recently. – prior to me getting on the road I was at home just thinking about what the day was going to be – each day was hard prior to this day and hard to understand and not be so upset- during the weekend I cussed out the dr.- so being that it was monday and I was there each day already- I was spent but I had to muster up my big sister big girl boots and get my ass down the road- when I drive either I am listening to a cd or I am changing the station between 6 different channels- I stop on a station that’s hip-hop and The song changes by tupac shakur comes on and I began to wail… the chorus line “ that’s just the way it is, things will never be the same…that’s just the way it is, ohh yeah” at this point I’m trying not to pull over, I was really working on being on time to meet my sisters at the hospital and make some final decisions as our mom was in a coma.

That day I knew things were going to change, I knew things were going to feel weird- we had planned to pull mom off of life support but the circumstances around it had to be ironed out.

We; Merridith, Olivia and I spent the first part of our day loving on mom- Merridith brought oil for moms legs and she had painted her nails the day before Olivia took care of her hair and I loved on mom a while- we listened to music and talked with her.  We went one time to get coffee in the cafeteria while the other days , the cafeteria was a way to take a breather from what was going on. We spent as long as we could with mom-

We finally decided it was time to take care of business- calling her life insurance to figure out what that looked like- due to the policy it wasn’t quite time to have the insurance kick in as a benefit- we were right underneath the threshold of time- which sucked. At that point we needed to ask for money- and we knew it wouldn’t come from family- it would come from our friends. At that point it was swallow pride time and we put out a gofundme account. My sisters and I spoke about a day that would work out for all of us and it was the 2nd of march- the next step was to find a funeral home- because the hospital didn’t have a morgue.
Once we nailed down a spot as to where mom would go afterwards- we looked at each other and we said today is not the day- we called the head nurse that was helping us and she understood that it would be the next day tuesday- we would make the hardest decision of our lives.